Below is a humorous excerpt from “The Sugar Plum Fairy has left the building!” When I discovered the dancers had voted Jennifer Fournier to replace Kimberly Glasco as their rep to the board I naturally thought they should stage a dance-off!<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR> Dancers do not relate to members of the bar. There is but one way to settle this dispute: Stage a dance-off between Glasco and Fournier. Did you hear that? That was the collective cracking of opera glasses in every nook and cranny of God’s Waiting Room a.k.a. the Hummingbird Centre! What the National needs is some gravity defying publicity from he of the gravity defying hairdo (Don King). Forget about Kudelka’s Fairy Kiss; I want to see The Natural Ballerina go toe-to-toe with The Wind-Up Ballerina. A good old-fashioned ballerina fight would be just the thing to light a fire under all those pompous derrières at the ballet. I’d give anything to be in Glasco’s corner: toweling her off between acts; rubbing life back into her throbbing toes; slipping her tootsies into a fresh pair of bright ruby pointe shoes.<P>Michael Buffer will do the honors. “Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls from around the rainbow. Born in Eugene, Oregon, Kimberly Glasco, also known as the Natural Ballerina, stands 5 foot 5 and a half weighing in at...I’m sorry but I cannot reveal her weight! A grizzled veteran of 18 years with the National Ballet of Canada, Glasco has guested everywhere from the Australian Spoleto Festival to the Verona Italy Festival. The Natural Ballerina is the master of the Petipa style of dance. In the ballet souvenir yearbook it says Glasco is a favorite of many of the world’s top contemporary choreographers, yet the National claims she can only dance Petipa! Glasco surrenders her entire being to an orchestra creating the illusion of actually being blown all over the stage by their instruments alone. Wearing ruby pointe shoes and dressed in glittering white tutu and tiara: Kimberly Glascoooooooooo! <P>Born in Ottawa, Ontario, Jennifer Fournier, also known as the Wind-Up Ballerina, stands 5 foot 7 weighing in at...I’m sorry but I cannot reveal her weight! A veteran of 13 years with the National Ballet of Canada, Jennifer scored rave reviews in her debut as the Prostitute in Glen Tetley’s La Ronde. Fournier has danced everything from Swanilda in Coppélia to Princess Aurora in Sleeping Beauty. Go ahead and call her the teacher’s pet; she is a favorite of James Kudelka. Renowned for her athleticism and technical brilliance, the Wind-Up Ballerina can dance all night long! Wearing red shoes and dressed in jet black tutu and tiara: Jennifer Foooooooooournier! Let’s get ready to aaaaaaleeeeeegroooooo!” <P>Reader discretion is strongly advised for the upcoming description is very spicy and not so nice. As mentioned, The Sugar Plum Fairy has left the building. Ding! Previously disposed sports commentator Marv Albert calls the ballet. “Glasco with a devastating pirouette in arabesque! Fournier counters with an explosive flick jeté! Oh my! Look at Glasco bourrée. In my years of calling ballet never have I seen a port de bras this beautiful. Yes! The Wind-Up Ballerina responds through a series of lightning quick chaîné turns across the stage. That move left the wily veteran pretty wobbly. Glasco will have to go deep into her bag of prize ballerina tricks. Yes! It’s the prelude solo before the Pain in the Toes Adagio. Fournier counters with the old one-two by mirroring and mocking her every move. Glasco didn’t like that. She turns Shrew and kicks referee James Kudelka right in his Nutcracker Suite! Yes! That was hitting below the tutu! Glasco is mad as Giselle and she’s not going to take it anymore! It’s a slugfest of stage presence. Fournier is in trouble. She’s going to fall. It’s over! It’s all over for Fournier!! She can’t out act the Natural Ballerina! Kimberly Glasco wins her job back.” <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> <P>That’s the big difference between Glasco and many of her former colleagues: acting ability. <BR><P>------------------<BR>Michael Goldbarth

Oh, God! that's the best yet! I'm falling on the floor and my cat has leapt off the computer in total confusion at my reaction. Standing ovation, Michael!

Michael, hello.<BR>This is really brilliant!<BR>And original.<BR>You really made me laugh, it's better than Saturday Night Live in its heyday and should be on TV.<BR>I'm so glad you're here.

Michael, Saturday Night Live in its heyday? Are you that old?

Ha!<P>Cable re-runs.

ummm....WHAT is saturday night live, please?

While you're explaining to Grace what SNL is, maybe you can also explain to me just what a "flick jeté" is, too. <P>------------------<BR>~Intuviel~<BR><A HREF="http://www.freetown.com/Uptown/HaightAshbury/1055/ballet.html" TARGET=_blank>Balletica</A><BR>

Grace, finally, Intuviel knows something you don't. <P>Saturday Night Live (or, affectionately, SNL) is an irreverent comedy-sketch TV show:<BR> <A HREF="http://www.nbc.com/snl/" TARGET=_blank>http://www.nbc.com/snl/</A> <P>It was the breeding ground for Chevy Chase, John and Jim Belushi, Eddie Murphy, Mike Myers etc. etc.<P>They hardly ever feature dance.

Michael M, cable re-runs? In Paris?