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 Post subject: Lighting Quotes & Viola Jokes!
PostPosted: Thu Aug 17, 2000 10:55 am 
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Location: The Bronx is up; the Battery's down
In the "Lighting Trends. . . ." thread, Bee Bee said:<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Think about this, “Light draws the eye. Movement draws the eye. Light and movement create a compelling visual feast. It is well worth your while to think of light as part of your choreography."<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Bee Bee, I don't know if you made this up yourself or were quoting someone else, but it started me thinking about other lighting-related quotes. My two favorites are:<P>"Dancers live in light the way that fish live in water." -- Jean Rosenthal<P> and<P>"The art of lighting the stage consists of putting light where you want it and taking it away from where you don't want it." -- Max Reinhardt<P><BR><P>------------------<BR>=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=<BR>Jeffrey E. Salzberg, Lighting Designer<BR>Online portfolio, now including "This Day in Arts History":<BR><A HREF="http://www.suncoast.quik.com/salzberg" TARGET=_blank>http://www.suncoast.quik.com/salzberg</A> <P><BR>

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 Post subject: Re: Lighting Quotes & Viola Jokes!
PostPosted: Thu Aug 17, 2000 7:36 pm 
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Location: The Bronx is up; the Battery's down
Then there's this one, which -- when I was sentenced to teaching college -- was always an extra credit question on the final:<P>Q: How many dancers does it take to change a light bulb?<P>A: It doesn't matter; they won't be in their light anyway.<BR>

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 Post subject: Re: Lighting Quotes & Viola Jokes!
PostPosted: Fri Aug 18, 2000 7:33 am 
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It is a phrase I used a lot when I speak to the dancer about Lighting on stage. I always believe it is important for the Dancers to feel the light as they dance in it. <P>I like to tell dancers - "Dance with the light and feel the light, treat them as your partner"<P>It probably will take only 1 dancer to change the bulb but whoever is reflecting that light could be the same dancer that changed the bulb. <P>------------------<BR>Bee Bee Lee<BR>beebee@shippandcompany.org <A HREF="http://www.shippandcompany.org/beebee" TARGET=_blank>http://www.shippandcompany.org/beebee</A> <P><p>[This message has been edited by Bee Bee (edited August 18, 2000).]

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 Post subject: Re: Lighting Quotes & Viola Jokes!
PostPosted: Fri Aug 18, 2000 9:29 pm 
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Location: San Francisco
Salzberg said:<P>Q: How many dancers does it take to change a light bulb?<P>A: It doesn't matter; they won't be in their light anyway.<BR></hr><P>Are you trying to say that the dancer is not capable of changing a light bulb? I felt you are insulting their abilities, unless you are trying to demote your own design. I hope your answer to your question is a joke. <P>[This message has been edited by Kronos (edited August 18, 2000).]<p>[This message has been edited by Kronos (edited August 18, 2000).]


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 Post subject: Re: Lighting Quotes & Viola Jokes!
PostPosted: Fri Aug 18, 2000 10:09 pm 
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Sadly, Kronos, it seems dancer jokes are the blonde jokes of theater. Frankly, I don't get it, being as utterly brilliant and totally humorless as I am...


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 Post subject: Re: Lighting Quotes & Viola Jokes!
PostPosted: Sat Aug 19, 2000 1:59 am 
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Nah, Priscilla, singer jokes are the blonde jokes of the theatre, just as viola jokes serve the same function in the orchestra (there are several web sites devoted to viola jokes).<P>In any case, I think it was pretty obvious that it was meant as a joke.<BR><P>------------------<BR>=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=<BR>Jeffrey E. Salzberg, Lighting Designer<BR>Online portfolio, now including "This Day in Arts History":<BR><A HREF="http://www.suncoast.quik.com/salzberg" TARGET=_blank>http://www.suncoast.quik.com/salzberg</A> <P><BR>

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 Post subject: Re: Lighting Quotes & Viola Jokes!
PostPosted: Sat Aug 19, 2000 3:31 am 
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Well, I'd love to hear some of those singer jokes. Could you post one or two here, even though they're off the subject?


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 Post subject: Re: Lighting Quotes & Viola Jokes!
PostPosted: Sat Aug 19, 2000 4:44 am 
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Location: The Bronx is up; the Battery's down
Well, the singer jokes tend to be about females, which makes them -- like the "blonde" jokes -- a little sexist. . .but nonetheless, here's one:<P>Q: How many altos does it take to change a light bulb?<P>A: 5. One to change the bulb and 4 to whine, "It's too high. . . ."<P><BR>and. . . .<P>Q: Why does a soprano stay on your porch for hours?<P>A: She doesn't have the key and doesn't know when to come in.<P><BR>Then there's. . . .<P>Q: How can you tell which kid on the playground belongs to the trombone player?<P>A: He can't swing and he doesn't know how to use the slide.<P><BR>Well, you asked for it.<BR>

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 Post subject: Re: Lighting Quotes & Viola Jokes!
PostPosted: Sat Aug 19, 2000 7:48 am 
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Location: The Bronx is up; the Battery's down
I forgot this one:<P>Q: How many Executive Directors does it take to change a light bulb?<P>A: "Can't we use one of the bulbs we already have?"<BR>

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Jeffrey E. Salzberg,
Dance Lighting Design
http://www.jeffsalzberg.com


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 Post subject: Re: Lighting Quotes & Viola Jokes!
PostPosted: Sat Aug 19, 2000 10:15 am 
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Location: Pennsylvania
One of my personal favorites to use when someone in the wings is standing in front of a boom while watching:<P>Uhm, do you notice a burning sensation on the back of your legs? <P>


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 Post subject: Re: Lighting Quotes & Viola Jokes!
PostPosted: Sat Aug 19, 2000 9:37 pm 
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That burning sensation is exactly what I need after pulling a muscle in my back and right leg!


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 Post subject: Re: Lighting Quotes & Viola Jokes!
PostPosted: Wed Aug 23, 2000 10:06 am 
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Location: London, England; Tallinn, Estonia
About those viola jokes:<P>Q. Why shouldn't you push a car with 3 viola players in it over a cliff?<P>A. There's room for at least 1 more.<P>**********************************<P>Man to a stranger next to him on a plane, 'I just heard a great new viola joke.'<BR>'I'll have you know that I am a viola player.'<BR>'No problem - I'll tell it slowly.' <P>**********************************<P>Q. Why did it take so long for a viola to burn?<P>A. It was still in its case, as usual.<P>**********************************<P>Q. What was the demand of the hijackers of a Jumbo jet filled with viola players on their way to a convention?<P>A. $1,000,000 or one by one....they'd start releasing them. <P>***********************************<P>An old Jewish man living in Chicago found a magic lamp. When he rubbed it a genie appeared who said, 'Listen, I'm not as powerful as I used to be, so you only get one wish and don't make it too difficult.'<P>After some thought, the man says to the genie, 'There's this terrible problem we have in the Middle East - the Arabs, the Israelis, problems with land. Here look at these maps...' and so on. After 30 minutes the genie says, 'Listen, listen I already said that my powers are much reduced. This is clearly a very difficult problem. Please make another wish.<P>The man sighs and says, 'OK! Can you make the viola section of the Chicago Symphony Orchestra play in tune?' The Genie thinks for a moment and says, 'Could I see those maps again?<P><BR><p>[This message has been edited by Stuart Sweeney (edited August 23, 2000).]


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 Post subject: Re: Lighting Quotes & Viola Jokes!
PostPosted: Wed Aug 23, 2000 7:42 pm 
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Location: SF Bay Area
Salzberg... I wonder which instrument Francis plays...


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 Post subject: Re: Lighting Quotes & Viola Jokes!
PostPosted: Wed Aug 23, 2000 8:25 pm 
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Location: Santa Clara, CA USA
I saw a T-shirt once..."If all the world's a stage, then I want better lighting."


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 Post subject: Re: Lighting Quotes & Viola Jokes!
PostPosted: Wed Aug 23, 2000 10:33 pm 
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Location: London, England; Tallinn, Estonia
Image <P><BR>If my examples above were not enough to put you off the genre for life, then here is a link to one of the hundreds of viola joke websites (I kid you not - search on viola jokes and see what happens). <P>Viola players are used to all this stuff. Today they perform to the same standards as other instrumentalists, but there was a time when this instrument, which has few solo parts, only attracted less gifted performers. <P>The site below has a mere 100 or so viola jokes. Not all of them are vicious...oh alright, yes they are:<BR> <A HREF="http://www.mit.edu:8001/people/jcb/viola-jokes.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.mit.edu:8001/people/jcb/viola-jokes.html</A> <P><p>[This message has been edited by Stuart Sweeney (edited August 24, 2000).]


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