CriticalDance Forum

It is currently Sun Sep 23, 2018 6:55 am

All times are UTC - 7 hours [ DST ]




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 32 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2, 3  Next
Author Message
 Post subject: The "Interested" Parent!
PostPosted: Sat Oct 07, 2000 4:56 am 
Offline

Joined: Mon Feb 21, 2000 12:01 am
Posts: 2208
Location: Australia
in another thread, mom2 posted this at the conclusion of her message:<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>I sympathize with all of you teachers...the other extreme is a nasty parent like me who reads too much and visits boards like this and has overly high expectations of the dance teacher at the local studio after meeting all of you!!! <P>How do I overcome that???<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>no, i'm NOT quoting this, just because it is complimentary to all of us! Image<P>i know mom2 says this in jest, but i feel there may be some comments on this...<P>how much 'interest' from a parent is 'too much'? is there such a thing as 'too much' interest? how interested do teachers want their students' parents to be?<P>maybe even: what characterises the ideal dance students' parent? Image<p>[This message has been edited by grace (edited October 07, 2000).]

_________________
<BR>


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: The "Interested" Parent!
PostPosted: Sat Oct 07, 2000 6:38 am 
Offline

Joined: Mon Oct 02, 2000 11:01 pm
Posts: 11327
Location: San Diego, California, USA
That's a great question, Grace. I think there is a great difference between an interested parent and an interfering parent. <P>An interested parent wants information, to be helpful in the area of parental support, both physically and emotionally. When the student goes home from a less than successful day (and we all have those)the home should be a nurturing place, to re-inspire confidence. <P>The interfering parent second guesses the teacher, implants doubts in the child's mind about herself as well as the teacher. An interfering parent also poisons the atmosphere between students by introducing unhealthy comparisons and competition. <P>I have had the very sad experience of seeing talented children terribly undermined by their parents, oftentimes very purposefully. The teacher is helpless against that. <P>Any competent, confident teacher welcomes an interested parent. <p>[This message has been edited by Basheva (edited October 07, 2000).]


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: The "Interested" Parent!
PostPosted: Mon Oct 09, 2000 10:47 am 
Offline

Joined: Tue Aug 01, 2000 11:01 pm
Posts: 274
Location: Ontario, Canada
once again, you guys are great! I learn so much from you! But surely you know that not all teachers are approach-able, or even interested in talking to parents (oh, the stories I could tell!)<P>Anyway, I do have a current dilemma; maybe you could help. On another thread I think I mentioned something about my little one feeling a tendency to sickle when she was in passe (I think that's what it's called)...primarily on the right foot, and only when the foot goes in front of the supporting leg, not behind. Daughter is shy to approach the teacher about this, and I am reluctant to do so on her behalf. Last class the teacher yelled at her a bit (yes, literally, but that's her style) about this, but daughter still doesn't know how to fix the "problem".<P>So, this weekend was a holiday here and we saw my older daughter who attends a professional program away from home. I asked HER for help, as I haven't a clue and can't even see that the foot is sickled. Older daughter says it's no big deal, but that maybe she could try bringing her heel more to the front.<P>My question is: what should I do or say, if anything? Is is now best to leave younger daughter to figure it out by herself (I would imagine so). <P>I would say that it is difficult to know what to say to the child AND to the teacher if a class has been a difficult one. Generally if you ask how class was (at any time, you get the same response you do when asking how school went: "fine". <P>Thanks again!<P>mom2


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: The "Interested" Parent!
PostPosted: Mon Oct 09, 2000 11:55 am 
Offline

Joined: Tue Nov 02, 1999 12:01 am
Posts: 2242
Location: Seattle, WA USA
I would ask for a conference with the teacher...better to catch potential problems before they become a bid deal!...maybe there is a communication problem, an attention problem,,,,who knows? best to address it now! When you approach the teacher, it's best to have a very matter of fact manner...."is there something we can do to fix this problem....?" type deal.."can we work on this issue together"?...rather than confrontational, accusatory,,,,etc. I'm sure you wouldn't do that....but...! I've had numerous conferences with parents, and that's the best feedback I can give you. I like meeting with parents, as long as everyone has an open mind, tries not to be emotional and all work towards a common goal...ie your child's enjoyment and progress in class.


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: The "Interested" Parent!
PostPosted: Mon Oct 09, 2000 11:56 am 
Offline

Joined: Tue Nov 02, 1999 12:01 am
Posts: 2242
Location: Seattle, WA USA
PS...the conference should include child, parent and teacher to be truly effective.


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: The "Interested" Parent!
PostPosted: Mon Oct 09, 2000 2:57 pm 
Offline

Joined: Mon Oct 02, 2000 11:01 pm
Posts: 11327
Location: San Diego, California, USA
Mom - a good competent teacher will welcome your quiry - respect your questions - and try to be of help.


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: The "Interested" Parent!
PostPosted: Tue Oct 10, 2000 6:20 am 
Offline

Joined: Mon Feb 21, 2000 12:01 am
Posts: 2208
Location: Australia
i agree with everything that's been said above, mom2, but your question has been playing on my mind, because it's easy to say - and quite right to say - 'a good teacher will welcome all enquiries'.....this was MY first thought in response, too - but it might not be that simple...<P>so i tried to imagine this situation arising for me. if a mother came and asked me what to do about her (9 or 10 year old) daughter's sickled foot....<P>in my own situation, my first response would be to feel very concerned, as to how on earth it could be, that the child didn't just ASK me!.....that's in MY situation - but your daughter's teacher may cultivate a diffeent sort of classroom environment...<P>so i would feel concerned straight away, that something was going wrong with the interpersonal dynamics, with my students and/or with this parent, rather than immediately caring about the sickle foot!<P>i would also be surprised at such a close interest being taken, but i guess that's because i haven't really experienced that before. <P>the only mother who i have ever seen, taking an (in this case, unrelenting!) interest in the mechanics of the class and her daughter's technique, is one who is very much overly-invested psychologically in her darling daughter's expected future career. as a psychologist, mom2, i know you will understand what i'm saying about the mother's vicarious involvement.<P>so i bring this up not to suggest you are doing the same - since i, like basheva, just love it when a parent is genuinely interested - but because it's a fine line to draw, in the TEACHER'S perception of the situation...so you should be wary of that, i think...<P>personally , i am happy to explain things, because i am both confident in my knowledge, and also confident that i don't know everything, so i'm always open to learn....but a less secure teacher could easily be threatened by a well-informed, or very interested parent.<P>sorry this is so long, but i really think it's an important issue, and a fine 'judgement call' for all involved - and so easy to antagonise someone (EITHER way)...unintentionally.<P>re the sickle: i think older daughter's advice sounds good! Image <P>re the younger daughter: i would encourage HER to ask the question, after choosing an appropriate time when teacher is not hurried - OR next time teacher comments on the sickle , just to say "i'm trying to fix it, but i'm not sure how" or something similar....<P>if the child is very shy, or under 9, say (an arbitrary choice of age, there) then maybe mum asking the question can occur, without the teacher wondering WHY it's mum and not the student.<P>this, of course, is all based on MY experience as a teacher - and some people do approach things very differently (as evidenced by your 'shouting' comment above).....so it may not apply (after ALL that! Image )<p>[This message has been edited by grace (edited October 10, 2000).]

_________________
<BR>


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: The "Interested" Parent!
PostPosted: Wed Oct 11, 2000 5:49 am 
Offline

Joined: Tue Aug 01, 2000 11:01 pm
Posts: 274
Location: Ontario, Canada
thanks Grace!<P>Yes, my concern is that a question will not be well-received and that I will be seen as yet another over-involved parent (and perhaps I am!). <P>It does bother me a bit that she is shy to ask this question herself (speaks to some dynamics in the class perhaps?) I wouldn't even know to think about this if she hadn't brought it up to me... I have decided to let it go for the time being. I asked her how it went in class last night and she thought she was doing a bit better with the foot...perhaps is encorporating sister's advice?<P>There are too many other things in life to worry about!<P><BR>


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: The "Interested" Parent!
PostPosted: Wed Oct 11, 2000 6:18 am 
Offline

Joined: Mon Oct 02, 2000 11:01 pm
Posts: 11327
Location: San Diego, California, USA
I well remember teachers who shouted at me "That's wrong!" and never got to the second part - how to fix it. Maybe the next time the teacher calls your daugher's attention to the sickled foot, perhaps the child could respond - "how do I fix it?" Sometimes just a simple question - could work. Depends on the child, and the teacher, of course. But it couldn't hurt to say - "how do I fix it?"


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: The "Interested" Parent!
PostPosted: Wed Oct 11, 2000 7:20 am 
Offline

Joined: Tue Aug 01, 2000 11:01 pm
Posts: 274
Location: Ontario, Canada
thanks; I have actually suggested this to her, even with words such as "I've been trying to fix this, but I still seem to have trouble...can you help (or show me what to do)?"<P>we'll see how she does...<P>Thanks again


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: The "Interested" Parent!
PostPosted: Wed Oct 11, 2000 7:44 am 
Offline

Joined: Mon Feb 21, 2000 12:01 am
Posts: 2208
Location: Australia
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>does bother me a bit that she is shy to ask this question herself (speaks to some dynamics in the class perhaps?)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>yes, that's what i wonder about...but we don't get to make perfect choices...even IF there is a less-than-ideal communication pattern happening there (IF), this teacher MAY still be the best available teacher for your child at present...<P>when we talk here, we are talking pretty much in ideal terms, and in real life, as you point out, there are indeed so many things to worry about! <P>if she's happy there in other respects, then i would take older daughter's advice for now.....but also quietly keep an ear to the ground for any further suggestions that your daughter doesn't feel able to speak up...that could be very frustrating for her.

_________________
<BR>


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: The "Interested" Parent!
PostPosted: Wed Oct 11, 2000 10:35 am 
Offline

Joined: Tue Nov 02, 1999 12:01 am
Posts: 2242
Location: Seattle, WA USA
I can think of several reasons why the kid wouldn't ask for an explanation..or any kid would hesitate...maybe she had a bad previous experience at another studio or with a different teacher....maybe she's shy folks (this is not a crime,,,,I was painfully shy as a kid,,,and dance helped me to come out of my shell...!!)...maybe the kid picks up some "vibe" that the teacher doensn't like questions...this is not unheard of!!...I make a very specific point in my classes of mentioning that I like questions ("good quesitons" is how I put it) and also make a point of mentioning that I can talk to students further after class...Not all teachers do this...our job is to draw out our students...not just the "stars" or "hams" but to help all the students have a good experience...of course, learning to be assertive is also important...but every child has their own timetable of how, how long and when to do this!!


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: The "Interested" Parent!
PostPosted: Wed Oct 11, 2000 11:11 am 
Offline

Joined: Sat Sep 16, 2000 11:01 pm
Posts: 49
Location: ottawa, ontario, canada
the child could feel very comfortable in the class and still not want to ask questions if this child is shy. my child loves to dance go to classes but will not speak freely to teacher or to her school teacher either but she got up in front of the whole school last year and did a 1 min ballet dance for them by herself. So for a shy child dancing is a way of talking you just don't use words.<BR>charlene


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: The "Interested" Parent!
PostPosted: Wed Oct 11, 2000 1:34 pm 
Offline

Joined: Mon Oct 02, 2000 11:01 pm
Posts: 11327
Location: San Diego, California, USA
That's a very good point Char. For many people who are dancers and actors, they are better able to communicate via the stage - through a role or a dance to music. But, in person - they are shy. We each find different ways to communicate.<P> Why this thread that Mom started is so interesting, in my opinion, is that it speaks to the basic concept of what teaching is really all about. It doesn't take a "teacher" to realize there is a problem. A fellow classmate can probably do that. Even the student knows when something is not working. Real teaching begins at showing the person how to fix the problem. If the teacher sees a problem - step two should automatically kick in - "here's how you fix the problem". <P>I just can't imagine a child looking up at me and asking for help - and not responding. I usually made it a point to always ask "Any questions?" numerous times during a class. Very much as Trina so ably describes.


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: The "Interested" Parent!
PostPosted: Wed Oct 11, 2000 4:48 pm 
Offline

Joined: Mon Feb 21, 2000 12:01 am
Posts: 2208
Location: Australia
charlene and trina, thanks for those thoughts. of course you are absolutely right in describing different reasons which could lead to the same thing...and i agree with both of you, but i also think that this described scenario is not an 'ideal' one: <P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>maybe the kid picks up some "vibe" that the teacher doensn't like questions...this is not unheard of!!... <HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>in fact, yesterday i saw a teacher at another board saying if you have a question, ask your teacher, but NOT in class - wait till after, or book a private lesson....the last bit seemed a bit extreme to me. it's far easier as a teacher to just 'deliver' a prepared class without interaction, but that's not really teaching in its best sense- it's just delivering a product..the product CAN be a very valuable learning experience, but for young children i think interaction and being open to their questions -whenever they come up- is essential.

_________________
<BR>


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 32 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2, 3  Next

All times are UTC - 7 hours [ DST ]


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
cron
Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group