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 Post subject: Re: The "Good" Dance Parent (!)
PostPosted: Thu Oct 26, 2000 7:02 am 
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Joined: Thu Aug 17, 2000 11:01 pm
Posts: 7
Location: England
I have just read with interest all the posts regarding the 'good parent' thing. I hope I fall into that category but know from recent experience that there is some terrible parental behaviour going on.<BR>My daughter recently auditioned for The Royal Ballet. Ballet has been her life from the age of 4 and everyone has commented on how talented she is. I have never pushed her or forced her to go to lessons; I have just given my time to take her to lessons and performances and the odd audition. To be quite honest, when her teacher asked me if I would allow her to audition for the R.B., I was shocked beyond belief. We had never believed in a million years that this was going to happen.<BR>Audition day and I am holding hands with one of the most excited 9 year olds you have ever met. The day is a challenge and she knows to make the most of the experience but that was as far as it went.We both walk into a changing room to be faced with children of 8,9 & 10 crying, and I mean sobbing, because they DON'T want to audition and DON'T want to dare think of what it might lead to. Mum's are shouting and in some cases becoming quite physical towards their children and I just think 'What is the point of subjecting your daughter to something she quite obviously DOES NOT want to do'. I was stunned, as was my daughter.<BR>Travelling home that night, Gemma turned to me in the car and said 'I have got such a lovely mum. I did my best which is what you asked me to do and I know you are proud of me whatever happens'.<BR>Gemma was accepted and we now make the monthly journey to Bristol for lessons. I know that if things don't work out then it doesn't matter. She has her life ahead of her and who knows where it may lead. For now she is doing something she loves.....in 10 years time she might be travelling around Australia, taking a year out of University or even working in a shop. It DOESN'T matter, as long as she is happy and her life has been her decision.


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 Post subject: Re: The "Good" Dance Parent (!)
PostPosted: Thu Oct 26, 2000 7:14 am 
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Joined: Mon Oct 02, 2000 11:01 pm
Posts: 11327
Location: San Diego, California, USA
Lisa - the only thing that I can say is that every child should have a parent with the attitude that you have - really - truly. Your daughter's opinion of you is absolutely correct. <P>It isn't just in dance. I once knew a doctor, his specialty was psychiatry. He had just joined a group of doctors. I happened to be meeting him for lunch. He saw his very first patient right before our luncheon date. When he arrived for lunch he was pale and literally trembling. I thought this would be the happiest of days for him - the realization of 12 years of hard work. But, he told me he HATED it and the thought of spending his entire life doing this unnerved him. He had become a doctor and a psychiatrist because his father wanted him to. How terribly sad!! <P>AT the time my son was two years old - I never forgot that incident. <P>


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 Post subject: Re: The "Good" Dance Parent (!)
PostPosted: Thu Oct 26, 2000 10:47 am 
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Joined: Thu Aug 17, 2000 11:01 pm
Posts: 7
Location: England
I can understand completely where you are coming from. I was brought up frightened to let my parents, particularly my father, down. This hindered rather than helped and I vowed never to be the same with my children.<BR>I hope it has worked.


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 Post subject: Re: The "Good" Dance Parent (!)
PostPosted: Thu Oct 26, 2000 3:03 pm 
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Joined: Mon Feb 21, 2000 12:01 am
Posts: 2208
Location: Australia
gosh, lisa - sound slike you're doing a marvellous job, and i can picture this:<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Audition day and I am holding hands with one of the most excited 9 year olds you have ever met. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>i do feel bothered by what you say about some of the other students and parents, though...and surprised...and i would venture to suggest that some of this MAY have been observed by RBS audition 'helpers' who would have passed such information on to the people who need to hear it....i hope...<P>being 'only' junior associate classes, the screening would be less thorough than for the RBS regular training - and you can certainly be reassured that the 'regular' training acceptance process includes PARENT interviews, which appraise this (parent attitudes), among many other things.....<P>the training is far too rigorous to be withstood by any child which isn't determined - however, having said that, i could name one of the loveliest of the RB dancers (now retired), who never really had a 'heart' to do it, but her mother DID....and also there are others who weren't passionate about it to start with, but over time discovered their 'place' (as a good 'fit') as they discovered their personal strengths in dance.<P>is your daughter continuing to enjoy her classes? - it sounds like probably the answer will be 'Yes'!<P>basheva, your psychiatrist story is a very sad one.....wonder what happened to that person in his career path.....?<p>[This message has been edited by grace (edited October 26, 2000).]

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 Post subject: Re: The "Good" Dance Parent (!)
PostPosted: Thu Oct 26, 2000 4:30 pm 
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Joined: Mon Oct 02, 2000 11:01 pm
Posts: 11327
Location: San Diego, California, USA
I lost track of him, Grace - at the time he needed to stay in the profession because he had a wife and children.<P> The reason I was associating with him was for a project we were working on jointly investigating how women were being treated in medical school - they were just starting to open up the schools to women at that time. It was a very interesting project.


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 Post subject: Re: The "Good" Dance Parent (!)
PostPosted: Fri Oct 27, 2000 9:09 am 
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Joined: Tue Aug 01, 2000 11:01 pm
Posts: 274
Location: Ontario, Canada
oh heavens!<P>A number of years ago my older daughter auditioned for the National Ballet School (in Toronto). She didn't get in, but we were proud of her efforts and she was proud of herself. I didn't see any parental behaviour along the lines of what you are describing!!!!<P>My daugther subsequently auditioned for another school. I had forgotten about this incident until now: there WAS one child at that audition who ran from the roon during the audition class. She didn't want to continue but her mother really was pushing her to get back into the room. It was quite upsetting to watch. I can't remember if the child went back into the class or not.<P>Just when you think you've seen everything!


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