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 Post subject: The "Good" Dance Parent (!)
PostPosted: Sat Oct 14, 2000 2:52 am 
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elisabeth posted in another thread:<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>People are always talking about the bad parents, but hardly ever the good. So i was wondering, what would you say a 'good' parent is?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>what characterises the ideal dance student's parent?<P>thanks elisabeth! Image<BR>

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 Post subject: Re: The "Good" Dance Parent (!)
PostPosted: Sat Oct 14, 2000 6:52 am 
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Well, I certainly also came across many wonderful parents. Sometimes after reading in the newspaper of all the horrors going on in the world - I would go to the studio and it was a wonderful thing to see loving parents bringing in their children. Really nice kids with good manners, well cared for.<P>I think that the really good parent, besides providing a nurturing home, also listens to the child. There is an inner ear that must be open - to hear the nuances in that's child's voice. Especially when it comes to something as consuming and committed as ballet. <P>With some parents and their children - you can just feel the mutual love and respect. Children, too, must be respected and to the extent possible their wishes acceeded too. <P>A loving parent sets a good example by the way the parent treats not only the child, but how that parent treats other people. Like showing respect during a recital by sitting through the performance of others, after their child has performed. Children learn by example, and all the fine words in the world can't undo a bad example.


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 Post subject: Re: The "Good" Dance Parent (!)
PostPosted: Sat Oct 14, 2000 5:00 pm 
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Would you say a 'good' dance parent, encourages his/her child in dancing but doesnt 'force' them. They also support the decision a child makes. I guess putting more responsibility on a child. <BR>

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 Post subject: Re: The "Good" Dance Parent (!)
PostPosted: Sun Oct 15, 2000 7:19 am 
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i would say so, elizabeth. yes. that a 'good' parent allows the child to become his/her own person.<P>just for interest - this is not about the 'ideal' dance parent, but more about what's acceptable and what's not...<P>AUSDANCE, the Australian Dance Council, the umbrella body for the australian dance community have adapted the code of behaviour for sporting parents, to use in dance.<P>here is the <U><B>Parent's Code of Behaviour</B></U> (which dance schools are encouraged to display):<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>If children are interested, encourage them to dance. However, if children are not willing to dance, do not force them.<BR> <BR>Encourage dance students to see live professional performances as often as possible.<BR> <BR>Focus upon the child's efforts and performance - rather than the overall outcome of the examination, performance or audition.<P>This assists children in setting realistic goals related to their ability by reducing the emphasis on winning.<BR> <BR>Teach children that an honest effort is as important as a victory, so that the results of each examination or performance are accepted without undue disappointment.<BR> <BR>Encourage children to always participate according to the rules.<BR> <BR>Never ridicule or yell at a child for making a mistake or not passing an examination.<BR> <BR>Remember, children are involved in dance for their enjoyment, not yours.<BR> <BR>Remember, children learn best from example. Applaud good performances by all of the performers.<BR> <BR>If you disagree with an examiner, adjudicator or critic, raise the issue through the appropriate channels rather than question the official's judgment in public.<BR> <BR>Support all efforts to remove verbal and physical abuse from dance activities.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> <BR> <A HREF="http://sunsite.anu.edu.au/ausdance/teachers/index.html" TARGET=_blank>http://sunsite.anu.edu.au/ausdance/teachers/index.html</A> <P><p>[This message has been edited by grace (edited October 15, 2000).]

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 Post subject: Re: The "Good" Dance Parent (!)
PostPosted: Sun Oct 15, 2000 11:00 am 
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I have come across many good parents, not just the nightmare ones I mentioned in "The Interested Parent" thread. These parents are the ones that lead by example i.e encouraging children to write thank you notes when they have won an award, the delight on the child's face on the day they receive the award is enough for me but some parents obviously feel it warrants a special thank-you and that is even more gratifying. Also the parents that thank you for your help and support with their child's development. Yes we are getting paid for what we do but the good parents realise that to get results we have to put in a lot more work than the norm - just as a good parent has to put in a lot more work i.e. in time - listening and nurturing the child and in never being too busy for them.<P>Therefore I feel that often you can tell a good parent by how they appreciate the things that others do for their children. I also have close hand knowledge of good parents - mine are the best, always having time for me, supporting my decisions and projects and they have always been grateful to the teachesr that have done a lot for me.<P>So I would have to agree with the reply above that a good parent can be judged but how they treat others.


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 Post subject: Re: The "Good" Dance Parent (!)
PostPosted: Sun Oct 15, 2000 1:54 pm 
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I remember some time ago reading an autobiography by Tai Babilonia - she was the Olympic silver medalist with her partner Randy Gardner in ice skating - pairs. They were both so wonderful to watch. <P>After the Olympics she and her partner went into the Ice Capades to skate professionally and she decided she just didn't want to do it anymore. Of course that is just when she began earning money at it - and this decision of hers to quit also affected her partner, Randy.<P>But, she said - "I made this decision to skate when I was 8 yrs old, surely I am entitled after all these years to change my mind. I don't think that a decision made at such a young age should bind one for the rest of one's life". She said that all those years she really had wanted to quit - but she felt very beholden to all the people who taught her and her parents who sacrifed for her. It can be a very hard thing to "disappoint" so many people.<P>I think a child should be allowed to change his/her mind - and say - "no more". And a good parent will "hear" that. Perhaps as an adult that child will again want to return to the dance class - and just do it for the joy of it. <P>Joanne - I agree with you completely - nothing, but nothing, makes as great an impact as the example we set for our children by the testimony of our daily lives and how we treat others.


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 Post subject: Re: The "Good" Dance Parent (!)
PostPosted: Sun Oct 15, 2000 3:35 pm 
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The notion of the "good" parent here has some parallels to the discussion of turnout going on elsewhere...<P>The points made have been so simple and articulate, yet are incredibly complicated to practice effectively. Such a fine line between encouraging and pushing...between being supportive and going overboard...between being realistic and any of the above. (etc...)<P>Many of us try very hard to balance all of these, and more. Some days are better than others, and the best of us make mistakes sometimes.<P>My hope is that the good dance teacher will be able to recognize the good parent, and vice versa!<P>


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 Post subject: Re: The "Good" Dance Parent (!)
PostPosted: Sun Oct 15, 2000 5:13 pm 
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<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>My hope is that the good dance teacher will be able to recognize the good parent, and vice versa!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>well said, mom2! Image

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 Post subject: Re: The "Good" Dance Parent (!)
PostPosted: Mon Oct 16, 2000 12:36 pm 
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Children should have the option to finish hobbies if they are not enjoying them - however I feel a good parent is not one who lets them stop a hobby after one day of not wanting to go. A good parent will discuss with the child why they want to give up, what the implications are if they give up or stay at the hobby and help the child make an informed decision, this teaches the child very clear lessons about how to make decisions throughout life. A good parent will also teach a child about commitment to what they are doing, something that is sorely lacking in society today.<P>As Basheva mentioned about the ice skater - that person had been at their profession for a long time and she obviously thought long and hard about her decision, these are the type of skills parents should pass on to their children.


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 Post subject: Re: The "Good" Dance Parent (!)
PostPosted: Mon Oct 16, 2000 5:01 pm 
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Very well said, Joanne !! I used to tell my son - there are going to be some days that you just don't feel like doing the things you normally love to do. You are not going to love it everyday. <P>Good grief - there were days I didn't feel like going to ballet class - yes, I did go, but I told myself they were just "maintenance" days - and that tommorow I would probably love it again. And that's how it worked out for 30 yrs and counting.<P>Joanne is right children have to be taught about commitment. But sometimes the child gets the feeling of having to continue in order to please the parent. That the parent is getting more out of it than the child. A good parent will be wary of that, and ask who is really benefiting from this?


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 Post subject: Re: The "Good" Dance Parent (!)
PostPosted: Tue Oct 17, 2000 12:12 pm 
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You are right Basheva - no child should be living out their parents dreams - they have to find their own. It is a very fine line between a parent who supports and encourages a child even on the bad days and between one who forces their child to go even when it is obvious the child is not enjoying themselves or benefiting from it.


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 Post subject: Re: The "Good" Dance Parent (!)
PostPosted: Tue Oct 17, 2000 1:56 pm 
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Joanne - I really like that - how you stated it - "a very fine line". Sometimes I think life if all about those fine lines


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 Post subject: Re: The "Good" Dance Parent (!)
PostPosted: Thu Oct 19, 2000 3:41 am 
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I think that everyone has described the good parent well.<BR>But i have a questions about something.<BR>Mom2 said, 'my hope is that a good dance teacher will be able to recognise a good parent and vise versa.' Are you saying that a good parent should be able to recognise a good dance teacher?<BR>I ask this because if a good parent isnt forcing the child to do ballet, basically just letting the child do its own thing and not trying to force it to do anything, then how would a good parent have the 'knowledge' to find a good dance teacher, when they dont know much about the art form?<BR>Just asking, thanx. <BR>

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 Post subject: Re: The "Good" Dance Parent (!)
PostPosted: Thu Oct 19, 2000 4:35 am 
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once again, elizabeth, i am going to use your excellent question to kick off a new thread....since what you ask makes perfect sense, but it's not something i've ever given much thought to....<P>anyone who would like to comment for elizabeth, please find the thread <P>"How To Recognise a Good Ballet Teacher"<P>thanks Image

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 Post subject: Re: The "Good" Dance Parent (!)
PostPosted: Thu Oct 19, 2000 4:51 am 
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re how would a parent know?<P>Well, you've got me there, and there could be several ways to look at this. Depends on the purpose of dance class I suppose and how seriously the parent/family takes the matter.<P>Then too, experience does help you become informed...when my oldest was little we went to a particular studio because she wanted to do a class with her friends. I had very little awareness of what to look for in a studio. <P>Now that I'm much older and a little wiser I have a bit of an idea of what to look for.<P>That being said, I did make that comment for a reason. I like to think of the parent-teacher situation as a partnership; hopefully a happy one. I think that both members of the partnership should be able to recognize the efforts of the other. This often doesn't happen.


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