Approximate Sonata
Vertiginous Thrill of Exactitude
Artifact Suite

Opera Garnier



UNCLE BILLIE WUV WUV WUV's dancers to Death


When the author of these lines, now so old that even the ear-lobes are wrinkled, was young - about 93 years ago - one recalls that child in the playground who just WUV'ed puppies and kittens so much, that he, or she, would crush them in his, or her, embrace.

Not a nice thought, eh? Even 90 years later.

Well, the Luvvies can say what they like.

I say, Uncle Billie Wuv's Dancers so much, he just WUV WUV WUV's em to Death.

And the Luvvies can say what they like, but anyone who knew ANYTHING about music, would NEVER choreograph the Same Old Same Old Same Old pelvic thrusts and hyper-extensions to a major work by JSB.

Anyway, if you too wish to be a Luvvie, and can't find tickets to Uncle Billie, slide a few feet up from Garnier to the Galeries Lafayette façade directly opposite the Chaussée d'Antin underground station.

There's a wopping great La Perla poster hung the full length of the shop. It's a young girl, slouched splay-legged, contemplating what we shall delicately call the inner-thigh muscle.

Take that as a consolation prize, dearie, more or less, in the Same Vein as what you'd have seen, Inside.

Wuv, Wuv, Wuv'em to Death

What a refrain eh?

Rather like the do re, do re, do re mi, do re mi, that goes on for twenty minutes in Artifact Suite, and that the Wuvvies would dignify with the name of "Score".

Well, time for the Party of One to sign off for tonight. Could not help notin' that the Party of One was the only person in the entire room booing when Uncle Billie came out for his Bow-Wows.

Wish I could have seen it, Katherine. As Forsythe is one of the most interesting choreographers working today, it comes as no surprise that "Party of One was the only person in the entire room booing".

As this ol' hag has been in a duelin' mood fer some time now, allow me to

Throw down the Gauntlet


to Uncle Billie.

Here is an ol' hag's Challenge to you, Sirrah.

Try to choreograph a ballet lasting longer than three minutes, without a single hyper-extension or other expression of what will tactfully be called here, "obstetrical exploration".



Footnotes to history:

Having just seen the photographs on www.dansomanie.net, and although they are very well taken - rather more so than the official pix on the Enguerand site actually - those of Mlle. Mélanie Hurel, who is not, under the best of circumstances, photogenic, may be misleading as to the quality of her dance, through no fault of the photographer.

The single redeeming feature of "Vertiginous" was the dancing of Hurel, who can always be counted upon for Surprise of the very best sort. We ladies tend to be rather less strategic than the gentlemen, and accordingly BUILD choreography less well. With Hurel's intelligence, and her incredible sense of musical dynamics, here is one lady who does. I found her absolutely sensational, but then, if one looks closely and carefully enough, she almost always is.

For instance, "Quintett" (1993, 26 minutes): have you seen this work featuring slow, sad choreography?

By the way, Ms Kantor, are you happy that I refer to you as Auntie Kat from now on? It only seems fair.

Auntie Kat? Why not - anyfink to mak'em larff, eh? Sounds like Auntiquated, or was it Antikvated?