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 Post subject: Re: TODAY IS.......
PostPosted: Mon Jun 11, 2001 3:37 pm 
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Joined: Tue Apr 10, 2001 11:01 pm
Posts: 257
Location: St. Peters, MO USA
Oh Red Shoes, I so much feel for you!! You said your son threw away the retainer. Well, with me, it was losing my shoes!! I remember every morning (EVERY MORNING!!) my dad and i having to look all over the house for my shoes. LOL (I'm laughing hard as i'm writing this)and him just yelling at me. we laugh about it now. but of course i wasn't laughing then. i so much understand what you're going through. and yes you are just human. hang in there. and for me, instead of video games, it was watching tv. i loved watching tv. i think your son feels the same as i did when i watched tv, it gives a sense of peace, of security. the brain is moving so fast, that the visual stimulation kinda helps slow things down. does that make sense? as i was driving home today, i remembered that i tutored a boy that had a case of ADD. he was at the time, in 4th grade, and read at a 2nd grade level. his mom asked me to tutor him. and i know what u go through. i had to almost sit on top of this kid to get him to do his reading lessons. we would go to the library to do his studies. he did not want to read, and he let me know!! i picked up a few tricks that might help you. when we first started, he could only read about 1/2 a page before his attention span was gone and we were fighting over his continuing to read. so i let him do 1/2 page, but i always insisted on him reading just one more line, before we quit. the next week he would do his 1/2 page, and i'ld push for 2 more sentences.when we were done, i always told him how proud i was of him, and how smart he was. (kids with ADD think they're very stupid. watch for this. don't let him believe this about himself.) after the lesson, we would go to Rally's- which is like a mcdonalds here in st. louis, missouri,and we'ld get fries and soda, which he loves. if he'ld refuse to do the lesson, then no fries or drinks. we went straight home, and i told his mom, and she would ground him from tv, or going to his friends' houses. if he didn't fight me, then once a month we did something GRAND!! like we went to see the X-men at the theater, or we would order Imo's pizza (major food group here in st. louis) and rent a movie, or we went to the park. i really saw a change in him when i rewarded him for his reading. by the time his mom ended the tutoring, which was 2 years later, he was reading at a 6th<BR> grade level, and up to 10 pages at a lesson. so what i'm saying is you might want to try to set up a reward system. (i don't know if your doing this now) if he gets his homework done after he gets home from school, then he gets 1/2 hour on video games. if he does his chores, then another 5 min on video games, if he does what you tell him to, another 5 min. if he acts up and smarts off at you or his dad, he loses 5 min. homeworks not done, opps just lost your 1/2 hour buddy. if you have to, take that video game unplug it, and put it in the closet for the night. then the next day,if he does what he's supposed to, bring the game down, and let him play with it. then once a month, do something grand. here in the states it would be order pizza and rent a movie, or go see the new Star Wars movie, or go roller skating. just do something grand. this worked with Keith, the boy i tutored. one day he refused to read, so i said ok lets go. he asked if we could get some fries, and i said no. i'm mad at you, and your not getting anything. i told his mom, and he was in trouble. the next week he was a perfect child. LOL. remember your son has a short attention span. if he can only sit still for 1/2 hour of homework, then let him - i discovered this with keith. keith started with 15 min reading, then for 15 min he could play on the computer, then we were back to working on his reading. this really helped him alot. so maybe 1/2 hour of homework, 15 min of whatever - video games. but tell him this is what we are going to do. you do 1/2 hour of homework, and you get 15 min of video games. then 1/2 hour homework, 15 min with the games. then when your done, you get 1/2 hour video games. i did this with keith and he knew that after studies he could play for 15 min. eventually, he was able to sit for 1 hour doing reading, then 15 min play. just remember with a kid with ADD, you have to be creative with him. his brain is not going to let him do things the way you would do them. expect him to do the best he can, but don't expect him to do things the way YOU would do them. does that make sense? if you need to bend an ear, i'm always here. you might want to look into finding, or starting a support group for parents with add kids. i'll keep you in my prayers.<BR>kim

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Great Dancers are not great dancers because of their technique: they are great dancers because of their passion -- Martha Graham<P>


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 Post subject: Re: TODAY IS.......
PostPosted: Mon Jun 11, 2001 3:49 pm 
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Joined: Mon Oct 02, 2000 11:01 pm
Posts: 13071
Location: San Diego, California, USA
You are in my prayers, too, Red Shoes.


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 Post subject: Re: TODAY IS.......
PostPosted: Tue Jun 12, 2001 10:14 am 
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Joined: Sat Feb 17, 2001 12:01 am
Posts: 1278
Location: Basking Ridge, New Jersey, USA
Red Shoes, my first reply ended up way down at the bottom of the last page, so I don't know if you caught it. As I said before, I totally empathize with you, having gone through ADD/ADHD with my son for the past 15 years. I know exactly how you feel; those pre-teen years were very frightening, because with the oppositional behavior these kids exhibit, you project ahead to how that will look on a teen-ager. <P>I identify with your exhaustion. The homework battles are difficult to describe. The affection afterwards, oh, it brings back memories. So many days I'd say, "I love you totally. But right this minute I'm so tired from all your behavior in the past two hours that I barely have the energy to hug you right now." <P>My husband was anti-drugs (and moreso when Ritalin caused hallucinations in our child) and anti-head-help. I had to take over on these issues, and we did find qualified people to help him with the psychological/emotional and pharmacological issues. As Kim Dawn said, these kids think they are stupid, and I'll add: bad. By the time they are in school for a year, they know they are different, they are often ostracized and have difficulty sustaining friendships. Every year that passes it gets more difficult. We found that intervention really helped.<P>Kim Dawn has suggested a reward and consequences system. That worked well for us on numerous occasions. My advice would be to start small, and keep it simple and clear. These kids are smart, and they find the loopholes in every system.<P>Also, choose your battles carefully! Don't try to do too many things at once. Homework might be a good place to start. But if the battles become too heated over homework, I'd suggest finding a tutor who is creative and patient, so that you can withdraw from that battle. Your child has teachers already (and probably has adversarial relationships with them) and he needs you first and foremost as a loving, supportive parent.<P>Please feel free to e-mail me any time, for advice, or just to unload when it feels too overwhelming. <P>And Kim Dawn, your description of how it was to grow up in your skin brought tears to my eyes. Keith was very lucky to have you!


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 Post subject: Re: TODAY IS.......
PostPosted: Tue Jun 12, 2001 11:47 am 
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Joined: Wed Mar 28, 2001 12:01 am
Posts: 478
Location: ITALY
I'm reading with attention all your posts, and I am very touched.<BR>First, because I can identify with every single thing that has been said.<BR>Kim, it's particularly interesting to hear from you, as Basheva said, to hear the other side of the coin, as it were. I find myself having to be a psychologist all the time he's home, and it's a bit wearing. <BR>Now you all know why I like to hang out here and feel that I can still discuss things connected with my ex-career. Image<P>The suggestions about rewards are sound pieces of advice. i already have to use the Playstation as a bartering thing, and it does work quite well. Funny thing with him is he read fluently before he was three. It was quite phenomenal, as I never pushed him, although he had the usual videos and little books. He was also very advanced at doing jigsaw puzzles - 250 piece puzzles were a walkover for him at 3. Took about 10 minutes. We had to buy loads! Image<BR>For a while we even thought he was mildly autistic, as he was late at talking clearly: that was another problem of hearing, happily resolved after a minor op (grommets).<P>Today was a good day, as days go. he did a bit of work for me (I thought we could do a bit of fun english history over the holidays, since he gets Italian history at school). He did his half an hour this morning (small doses) and got his Playstation and Game Boy during the day. he knows I'm fair but firm, but he tries it on with his dad as soon as he walks in the door, as dad is a lovely, patient and calm type, whereas I get cast in the role of the wicked witch of wherever most of the time!! <BR> Image<P>I like the idea of a bit of homework then a bit of play, but once he's in 'play' mode it's difficult to then ask him to switch back to writing (his real nemesis). does it really work?<BR>We have also played the McDonalds card (we have two here) frequently, and buying Pokemon cards is also a great reward, but youcan't keep forking out money endlessly, can you?<BR>I won't tell you the display he put up at the dentist's until fairly recently...<BR>last week I took him for a routine anti-hepatitis jab and he was an angel: walked in, confident as anything, and said to the doctor, "Come on, get on with it, Mum's going to buy me some Pokemon cards!". if anyone had told me that a year ago I would have laughed at them. Light at the end of the corridor?<P>One last thing: we found the dental thing this morning. It was under his mattress (along with several other unsavoury things best left unmentioned), where he had chucked it early in the morning (he always wakes before anyone else).<BR>Thank you all so much for all your input, it really is appreciated.XXX


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 Post subject: Re: TODAY IS.......
PostPosted: Tue Jun 12, 2001 12:47 pm 
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Joined: Tue Apr 10, 2001 11:01 pm
Posts: 257
Location: St. Peters, MO USA
hey, did you find my shoes under the bed too? thats where mine were most of the time LOL!!!<P>Love ya<BR>kim

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Great Dancers are not great dancers because of their technique: they are great dancers because of their passion -- Martha Graham<P>


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 Post subject: Re: TODAY IS.......
PostPosted: Tue Jun 12, 2001 1:09 pm 
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Joined: Mon Oct 02, 2000 11:01 pm
Posts: 13071
Location: San Diego, California, USA
Hang in there, my friend Red Shoes, we are all sending good vibes (American-ese for vibrations) to you. I think that every parent can empathize whether we had an ADD child or not.<P>Yes, I well remember finding unsavory thingies under my son's mattress. Mother learns to clean there regularly. <P>I found Kim Dawn's post on the personal experience really fascinating.


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 Post subject: Re: TODAY IS.......
PostPosted: Tue Jun 12, 2001 1:52 pm 
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Joined: Wed Mar 28, 2001 12:01 am
Posts: 478
Location: ITALY
Want to know what was under the bed?<P>several sheets of screwed up homeworks.<BR>a pokemon card.<BR>a pokemon sticker.<BR>a pair of 3D dinosaur card specs.<BR>several ruined pencils.<BR>unidentified scraps of food.<BR>2-3 snack wrappers.<BR>dust, lots of it.<BR>small lego components.<BR>a playstation magazine.<BR>a large, energetic, silverfish. <P>YEEUUCCHHH!!!!!!!<P>I hasten to add that he has a 'bridge'type bedroom. ie the bed is an integral part of the wardrobe/drawers, and is inserted sideways on, so dragging the actual bed (and guest bed underneath) out is a major job and doesn't get done every day.<P>That's my excuse and I'm sticking to it! Image<P>'Night all....


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 Post subject: Re: TODAY IS.......
PostPosted: Thu Jun 14, 2001 11:56 am 
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Posts: 478
Location: ITALY
I just thought I'd tell you about a GOOD day too: today.<P>We went and did some shopping, which is usually a good reason for friction.<P>Got to the mall. Bought chain to match a silver locket for a Communion gift. Bought new trainers for him ("These are fine!": First pair he tried on. He likes to get these things over and done with as quick as possible Image). Did some shopping in the supermarket and bumped into one of his teachers, who was able to tell is that the results are out and he is moving up with the others next year (I never doubted it), and he was SOOO pleased!). Bought a pack of Pokemon cards. He was so good, he deserved them.<P>Good days/Bad days. Trouble is you never know which is about to befall you... Image<P>Did you have good and bad days, Kim? Was there a cause for it, or what?


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 Post subject: Re: TODAY IS.......
PostPosted: Sat Jun 16, 2001 7:28 am 
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Joined: Wed Mar 28, 2001 12:01 am
Posts: 478
Location: ITALY
Today was:<P>A beautiful and disgustingly hot but breezy summer day.<BR>Spent the morning on the beach, and am glowing this afternoon, and rather red. <BR>I saw on the news that HM and her troops got thoroughly soaked at the Trooping of the Colour, but they were magnificent, as always. <P>This is all an excuse to say that tomorrow we are off to see the INFIORATA at Genzano, near us. <BR>Genzano as in FLOWER FESTIVAL AT GENZANO, a Bournonville ballet.<P>We went last year also: two narrow and steepish streets get covered in floral paintings composed entirely of flower petals. This year the theme is Michelangelo, my hero. Should be interesting!<P>Here are some excellent photos of the event: they're a bit slow loading, but worth it.<BR> <A HREF="http://www.graffitipress.it/Gp_CroGen.htm" TARGET=_blank>www.graffitipress.it/Gp_CroGen.htm</A> <p>[This message has been edited by Red Shoes (edited June 16, 2001).]


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 Post subject: Re: TODAY IS.......
PostPosted: Sat Jun 16, 2001 12:43 pm 
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Joined: Mon Oct 02, 2000 11:01 pm
Posts: 13071
Location: San Diego, California, USA
Wow - Red Shoes - what beautiful pictures! I wonder how old that Flower Festival is? Have a wonderful time. Reminds me of the Rose Parade here in California.<P>Today is a very beautiful day in San Diego, warm - about 75 - and sunny, tiny breeze. I spent the morning volunteering at the library. Was a really good group of people there - workers and volunteers and we were laughing quite a bit - as usual!! LOL<P>Then to Old Town San Diego for a Mexican lunch - I brought home enough left overs for two more meals - Mexicans eat well!! Lots and lots of tourists there - San Diego is a major tourist destination. <P>Now I am going to go do some work on my plants. I have a screened covered patio with about 80 potted and hanging plants, mostly eppiphylums (may not have spelled that right). They just finished blooming and have the most stunning flowers of any I have ever seen anywhere. Huge, about 10-12 inches across, brilliant irridescent colors on a very plain, plain plant stem. The plant itself is a cactus - but a tropical cactus. The flowers are a glory of creation. And some need repotting - so off I go-----><P>


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 Post subject: Re: TODAY IS.......
PostPosted: Sun Jun 17, 2001 1:29 am 
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Joined: Tue Sep 05, 2000 11:01 pm
Posts: 3129
Location: Guildford, Surrey, UK
Well today is Father's day in the UK. My mum and dad are coming over and we're going to take him out for dinner this evening.<P>I have just moved house so poor old dad is going to have to lots of DIY today before he gets his father's day treat - ah well maybe the carrot cake and chocolate cake i have got will soften him up a bit, lol!


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 Post subject: Re: TODAY IS.......
PostPosted: Sat Jul 07, 2001 5:11 pm 
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Joined: Mon Oct 02, 2000 11:01 pm
Posts: 13071
Location: San Diego, California, USA
We just came home from walking along the beach at sunset. It's a lovely evening in San Diego and there are lots of people still swimming in the ocean and surfing the waves.<P>People are sitting on the beach by the fire rings which they will light after dark ...it's so pretty to see the fires all lit at night.<P>There were lots of kites flying too - one was the shape of a sailboat with the sails all streaming in the wind. Flocks of pelicans, and other sea birds flying off to their night roosts on the cliffs of Pt. Loma.<P>It's a good day to be alive....and I give thanks for it.


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 Post subject: Re: TODAY IS.......
PostPosted: Sat Jul 07, 2001 6:44 pm 
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Joined: Sat Feb 17, 2001 12:01 am
Posts: 1278
Location: Basking Ridge, New Jersey, USA
Basheva, what a beautiful picture you've painted. It sounds perfect and peaceful. Like the calm after the storm. Like a great way to lull yourself to sleep. Sweet dreams!


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 Post subject: Re: TODAY IS.......
PostPosted: Sun Jul 08, 2001 6:24 pm 
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Location: Basking Ridge, New Jersey, USA
This evening was...a midsummer night's dream. I sat outside at sunset and watched the fireflies do their dance. Truly magical!


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 Post subject: Re: TODAY IS.......
PostPosted: Mon Jul 09, 2001 12:27 pm 
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Joined: Wed Mar 28, 2001 12:01 am
Posts: 478
Location: ITALY
Today was really hot (again).<P>We ate a cold pasta and tuna salad on the balcony at dusk, and almost managed to get a quiet meal out there except my son can't sit still for long. <BR>Add one very young cat who has decided she likes to walk along the two and a half inch wide top of the balcony rail (we are quite high here) and it wasn't relaxing!<P>This place, where we went for lunch the other day, on the other hand, was very relaxing! <A HREF="http://www.lacatena.it" TARGET=_blank>www.lacatena.it</A> <P>ps. I hope that's not classed as advertising Basheva Image Image<P>


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