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 Post subject: Re: TODAY IS.......
PostPosted: Sun Jun 10, 2001 1:32 am 
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Joined: Wed Mar 28, 2001 12:01 am
Posts: 478
Location: ITALY
..And we've just come back from a morning at the beach. At last!<P>Water choppy, rather windy and as we left it went overcast Image<P>My (ADD) son stressed my husband non-stop for the entire time we were there. So nobody relaxes. Daddy's fault: he won't let me give the Ritalin on days out...<BR>It ain't much fun trying to relax with a hyperactive 11 year-old boy who can't go in the sea (too choppy today for safe swimming) and is always thinking half an hour ahead, of what he is going to do next.<P>I am writing this in sheer frustration, so please bear with me for letting off steam here.<P>Any others with this problem on Critical Dance? If there is, talk to me!


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 Post subject: Re: TODAY IS.......
PostPosted: Sun Jun 10, 2001 2:17 am 
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Joined: Sun Oct 22, 2000 11:01 pm
Posts: 130
Location: UK
One of my sons was hyperactive as a young child. It is unbelievably hard work. If it's any comfort, he is now (aged 29) the most calm, level headed person I know!


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 Post subject: Re: TODAY IS.......
PostPosted: Sun Jun 10, 2001 5:09 am 
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Joined: Mon Oct 02, 2000 11:01 pm
Posts: 13071
Location: San Diego, California, USA
Red Shoes - you have my sympathy - you really do. When I was an administrative assistant (ran the business section) for a very large psychiatric in-patient/out patient facility they were doing a study on ADD in the out patient section. This was in the early 1970's. So I saw many of those children coming in with parents.<P>You are not alone. As I understand it, ADD children grow out of it. Raising children in any case, is not easy. There were days I didn't think I would survive - and my son wasn't ADD. But still there were "those days" when you wonder what it's all about anyway. <P>And then they grow up, and come to visit and say "I love you, mom"....and you don't remember "those days".


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 Post subject: Re: TODAY IS.......
PostPosted: Sun Jun 10, 2001 7:36 am 
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Joined: Wed Mar 28, 2001 12:01 am
Posts: 478
Location: ITALY
Thanks for the encouragement girls.<P>Some days are worse than others. Maybe I'm looking ahead, bleakly, to the next three months (the duration of Italian school summer holidays) Image and this summer we aren't doing a trip to england Image, which usually breaks the three months up a bit. Still, daddy is home all through August...!<P>He's a great kid really, with lots of positive qualities: cheerful, funny, bright as a pin, affectionate, sensitive. I suppose the negative aspects do get on top of me a lot: argumentative and resistant to everything, flitting from one thing to another incessantly, deliberately winding me up, never accepting no for an answer, ever, total reluctance to school work, obsessiveness with things (currently Pokemeon Image), and so on, and so forth.<P>Even his Italian teachers find him ovewhelming in class :won't stay seated, interrupts frequently, does poor homework WELL below his potential possibilities (do it quick; get it over with), the maths teacher says he's really bright, but his (correct) answers are more often than not illegible.<P>The sad thing, from my point of view, is that ADD is hardly known about here in Italy. I got the diagnosis and Ritalin in the UK finally, and in sheer frustration. I have had to explain it all to the teachers personally, and I don't think they really take me seriously enough (I get the feeling they see it as some new-fangled American fad-condition).<P>Please excuse the vent: sometimes you need it.<BR>And this is supposed to be FUN STUFF ! Image


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 Post subject: Re: TODAY IS.......
PostPosted: Sun Jun 10, 2001 7:44 am 
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Joined: Mon Oct 02, 2000 11:01 pm
Posts: 13071
Location: San Diego, California, USA
Red Shoes - this thread - and I started it so I do have an insider's view of the original intent (LOL) was meant to be for whatever we wanted it to be for that day.<P>I felt after the "srpingtime" thread there was a need to just hang out with each other, if you know what I mean.<P>You might want to research in the library (or perhaps on the web) through the issues of JAMA (Journal of the American Medical Society) and editions of the New England Journal of Medicine for articles on ADD to share with his teachers. I know there were many articles written - a couple by the doctors and social workers at the practice with which I was associated.<P>Some people believe things more if they see it published in journals.<P>Just a thought. Hang in there - lady.....


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 Post subject: Re: TODAY IS.......
PostPosted: Sun Jun 10, 2001 9:13 am 
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Joined: Wed Mar 28, 2001 12:01 am
Posts: 478
Location: ITALY
I took a whole load of printed stuff from Italian medical websites (fortunately there is some info available from parts of the medical community). I gave it all (6 copies of each, I'm nothing if not thorough, but most Italians aren't) to the teachers: whether they actually read it all is anybody's guess.<BR>ADD is never mentioned in the media here, Ritalin isn't available (yet: I recently read that they are going to re-introduce it soon. But soon could mean next year in Italy Image), and the few friends to whom I have opened up keep saying "There's nothing wrong with him, he'll grow out of it." As if it's a phase, not a medical condition. There is almost total ignorance here, and a general loathing of the idea of 'psicofarmaci' for kids. They are great believers in child psychology, but it ain't enough alone. I know.<BR>It's doubly frustrating for me, as I was one of those teachers who had a really great realtionship with my younger pupils, yet I find myself at a loss with my own child. Image<BR>It took a long time to decide to get him assessed, and on the Ritalin, but even my husband resisted the pills, despite seeing the evidence that they help.<P>It's nice to be able to talk about other stuff than dance sometimes, huh?<P>How about a thread dedicated to just any topic, so we could all get to know each other? Just a thought.<BR>For example I saw Maggie's sculptures and they are gorgeous: be nice to talk art, travel, general culture and things as well as dance? Too much on one site?


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 Post subject: Re: TODAY IS.......
PostPosted: Sun Jun 10, 2001 9:36 am 
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Joined: Mon Oct 02, 2000 11:01 pm
Posts: 13071
Location: San Diego, California, USA
Maggie's sculptures are stunning...I can only dream of such talent.<P>You can open a thread any time you like, Red Shoes...anytime....just like this thread. Fun Stuff doesn't have to be ha ha funny, it can be just the fun of communicating and learning about one another, I think.<P>That is exactly why I started this thread - and no one seems to have objected. <P>


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 Post subject: Re: TODAY IS.......
PostPosted: Sun Jun 10, 2001 9:54 am 
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Joined: Fri Oct 22, 1999 11:01 pm
Posts: 17498
Location: SF Bay Area
Hi, Red Shoes. Fun Stuff is a good place to communicate but the What's New forum is also an excellent place to hang out and chat. We changed the name recently from About C-D to What's New on C-D but maybe we should change it to something like, "The Lounge." What do you think?


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 Post subject: Re: TODAY IS.......
PostPosted: Sun Jun 10, 2001 11:06 am 
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Joined: Wed Mar 28, 2001 12:01 am
Posts: 478
Location: ITALY
I think it's an excellent idea. What's New, to me, conveys the idea that we are sort of expected to inform or discuss about things dance related.<BR>The Lounge, on the other hand, sounds more cosy and wider-ranging. Somewhere to say what a great film you saw the other day, or where you went for your holidays and what you thought of it, or what's your favourite song/singer, or current affairs. It would certainly bring a new dimension to CD. I don't know about all the others, but I also like to talk about other things than dance.<BR>On the other hand I understand that this IS a dance-inspired site.<P>Fun stuff conveys to me exactly that, and even as I put in the poem The Soldier I was thinking "Does this fit here?"<P>But please don't touch FUN STUFF. I am still thinking of more puns, although I fear we have almost exhausted the possibilities...


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 Post subject: Re: TODAY IS.......
PostPosted: Sun Jun 10, 2001 12:30 pm 
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Joined: Sat Feb 17, 2001 12:01 am
Posts: 1278
Location: Basking Ridge, New Jersey, USA
Red Shoes, I totally empathize with your situation. We went through this with our son. He couldn't tolerate ritalin, so we had our hands full. I think it is particularly tough for dads to have sons like that, and their interactions impact on the whole family. <P>At age 15 now, the hyperactivity has diminished a great deal. He has learned how to control it or find socially acceptable outlets for it (drumming, skateboarding, etc.). There are still issues, but we see great improvement, and we are hopeful for the future. I wish you the same.<P>And today here is ...sunny and warm, a taste of summer. Love it!


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 Post subject: Re: TODAY IS.......
PostPosted: Sun Jun 10, 2001 1:27 pm 
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Joined: Mon Oct 02, 2000 11:01 pm
Posts: 13071
Location: San Diego, California, USA
Red Shoes - forsooth!! We have run out of puns?????<P>Not so.....our coupé runneth over.<p>[This message has been edited by Basheva (edited June 10, 2001).]


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 Post subject: Re: TODAY IS.......
PostPosted: Mon Jun 11, 2001 8:09 am 
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Joined: Sat Apr 29, 2000 11:01 pm
Posts: 1689
Location: USA
Today....<P>Dance like nobody's watching<BR>Love like you've never been hurt<BR>Work like you don't need the money<BR>Ride like you can't fall off


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 Post subject: Re: TODAY IS.......
PostPosted: Mon Jun 11, 2001 10:31 am 
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Joined: Tue Apr 10, 2001 11:01 pm
Posts: 257
Location: St. Peters, MO USA
Hi Red Shoes- just a note of encouragement: i had ADD as a child, and i am now 37. back then they didn't diagnois us as having add or whatever, but were label (and i mean LABELED) mentally retarded, rebellious, you name it i heard it. LOL But please be encouraged, he will grow out of it. i did, now the only time i get real hyper is when i have too much caffine, or sugar. lol. but from his side, i remember people yelling at me for doing what i did, and i, couldn't for the world, understand why people were so upset. it like, you walk to the ******* to make a sandwich, and suddenly, everyone is pissed off at you, and you're standing there, looking at them like they're crazy, and you want to say- Whats your problem?thats how it was for me. teachers would yell at me, adults would glare at me, and kids ignored me. i couldn't figure out what was wrong with them, and why they were so angry. whats worse, is i couldn't make it stop! you can stop cursing, smoking, whatever, but you can't make this completely stop, especially for a child. its like being in your car, and the accelerator is pressed all the way to the ground. there's no brakes, and you're speeding down the highway. whats worse is that everyone is yelling at you, and you can't stop. i'm not trying to condemn you or nothing like that, i just want you to see his side of it. i know for a fact that raising a child with add is the hardest thing you will ever do. i want to encourage you to hang in there, and just love him. he needs to know that you still love him and accept him despite his problem. It will get better. trust me, i got better. remember, he can't help what he is doing. you're not alone in this. if you need to talk, you can e-mail me at kimdkus@yahoo.com <P>kim

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Great Dancers are not great dancers because of their technique: they are great dancers because of their passion -- Martha Graham<P>


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 Post subject: Re: TODAY IS.......
PostPosted: Mon Jun 11, 2001 11:19 am 
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Joined: Mon Oct 02, 2000 11:01 pm
Posts: 13071
Location: San Diego, California, USA
Kim Dawn - you know that is a terrific post. <P> In the years that I worked (as posted above) with the psychologists, psychiatrists, social workers, etc., who were involved with diagnosing, treating and trying to help kids and families with ADD, I don't think I ever heard it from the child's point of view.<P>And now I have, - Thank you, Kim.


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 Post subject: Re: TODAY IS.......
PostPosted: Mon Jun 11, 2001 11:26 am 
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Joined: Wed Mar 28, 2001 12:01 am
Posts: 478
Location: ITALY
Kim - thanks for talking to me, to us.<P>I hear you. I also see the scenario, and it's a bit like our everyday stuff. He is dearly loved by both of us, but we are only human, and patience runs thin, especially as ADD types tend to KEEP ON doing the same irksome things, however many times you may have told them or taught them. <BR>The thing like they never give up once an idea has gelled in their head, whatever it is, and they will nag and nag until they drive you nuts. Then they wonder why you shout at them.<BR>I know it's not his fault, and I try and be patient, but it is hard. I also realise it's even harder for him. He started middle school this year, and the first few months were pretty bad. Tears and a drop in self-esteem (which is never high at the best of times), prompting dramatic excalamations on his part and deep anguish on mine.<BR>I talked to the teachers, but the almost total lack of media attention or information on any level here doesn't help. I don't take him to a psychologist partly because of this, and partly because daddy is very anti-Headshrinkers, as well as anti-Ritalin.<P>I try and structure his afternoon, but it's a battle to get homework done almost every day, and leaves me a nervous wreck sometimes. It is very frustrating because he is a clever child, but can't seem to use his intellect as well as he might, and is really messy as well, both in school work and around the house.<P>The thing that gets me is when he has been being really difficult and defiant about homework or something, and has really wound me up, then he comes along and wants a huge hug and cuddles, as if nothing has happened, and frankly I don't feel affectionate at those times, as I need to cool off. I know I should, but like I said, I'm only human.<P>He is totally obsessed with electronic games too, but like everything else, he overdoes it, and would just sit at the Playstation all day if I let him. Same with Pokemon. <BR>The number of drawings he has ever done up till now is so small that every single one is a treasured artefact. I don't want Michelangelo, but it would be nice if he had used a pencil a bit more as a small child. Even now he never takes a piece of paper up unless it's for school. Maybe it's me: I am a bit of an artist, so perhaps he feels a bit intimidated. I don't know. One grasps at straws to try and explain things to oneself.<P>I was so full of enthusiasm about having a child. I was convinced into going for it by our ballet pianist: she said I was great with the kids and ought to have one as I'd be perfect etc. And now it's so frustrating because all I seem to do is spend 80% of the time battling with him Image <P>Sorry to go on like this, but we just had another little episode: he has managed to lose his removable orthodontic thingy, and daddy has just been out to get the rubbish bags in after throwing them out, and having sifted through assorted gunge from the day (three bags worth) we didn't find it. That means having another one made ($£). Daddy is NOT pleased...<P>I have to say he is improving in some ways, but we have yet to affront adolescence, and he is already showing signs of defiance and answering back etc etc. <BR>It's like walking a tightrope: you can't be too heavy-handed with an ADD individual as they are hyper-sensitive and easily offended, yet they also need to be kept in line quite firmly, or they walk all over you. Well, that's my experience anyway.<P>Better stop here or I'm liable to go on all night.


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